By Kalman Dean-Richards
The Revenant’s good, although I’m not sure I’ll ever watch it again.
It might be great. Not entirely my type of thing, but always enjoyable, despite long periods without dialogue, and visually pleasing, without feeling like just a collection of spectacular and senseless panning shots pritt-sticked to an Attenborough podcast.
If you want a rating, or even a review that bothers to engage with the film properly, I don’t have one. I was too tired to make notes, so can only remember the parts that are in thetrailer anyway, and I’m not sure that I could paint the picture as well as Peter Bradshaw at the Guardian probably already has. Sometimes you just have to accept when Pete’s got you beaten.
Instead, what I’ve done, is I’ve drawn a cartoon.
It’s on lined paper because the library won’t let me take a plain sheet of A4 out of the printer, for almost certainly totally justifiable reasons.