Creative, News

The Hardest Word

0 276

 By Asma Shatwan

We’ve been walking with no aim, dream, or goal,

hoping to trip upon a treasure map, leading to gold.

Not the stuff that twinkles brightly or the stuff that shines,

But something that’ll bring back the sparkle in our lives.

 –

I feel like we’ve already had the kiss of death.

I’m trying to be different to you but I’m just like the rest.

You tell me I’m wrong, that our future is bright.

That we can do whatever if we put up a fight.

But I don’t want to fight this battle, enough of this internal war.

I’d rather you see the back of my head leaving out of this door.

 –

I know that I hurt you, and I’m sorry that I lied.

I always tell myself you’d be better off if I died.

I know my words leave scars behind, but what I’m telling you is true.

I convinced myself I was different, so why do I do this to you?

I’ve been the same for years now, always say I’m going to change.

Even my simplest mistakes now fill me with rage.

It’s building up inside me; someday I will explode,

say more than I should, regret, and feel exposed.

I’m sorry for the tears, and I’m sorry that I’m here.

If you want me to, I promise, I will disappear.

I know that I’m wrong, even when I’m right.

I don’t understand that vision is different to sight.

Every step forward takes me two steps back.

I’m sorry I don’t think before I attack.

I’m sorry for all the lies and how stupid I have been.

I feel like I’ve betrayed you, the knight that slayed the queen.

I’m sorry for all the drama caused, the tantrums and the pain.

Does sorry make a difference if I make the same mistakes again?

I know we should hold on, although we’re slowly slipping off the edge.

Like the slow and painful suicide, off a building’s ledge.

 –

I’ve apologized and you’re forgiven me, we’ve agreed to start afresh.

I must remind you that sorry, for me, is the hardest word to express.

Asma Shatwan is an art student and poet based in Manchester. She has been writing poems since 2011. Her creative practice consists of everything from drawing to photography to printmaking.
She runs a poetry blog here

About the author / 

aAh!

aAh! Magazine is Manchester Metropolitan University's arts and culture magazine.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More News Stories:

  • Bloodstock 2026: Saturday review – Breaking the circle pit rule

    Featured image: Abbi Draper After an electrifying start to the weekend, with temperatures slowly climbing, many lather themselves in suncream, shed their band shirts and rise from their tents to trek towards the arena. Saturday has big things incoming for the humans of Bloodstock 2026. Some pace themselves for the day and hide from the early…

  • Bloodstock 2026: Friday review – Lamb of God reminds us ‘This is an Invitation’

    Featured image: Abbi Draper After a memorable Thursday opener, Bloodstock 2026 opens its gates once again onto the Hallowed Grounds of Catton Park, kicking off day two of its 25th-anniversary celebration of metal. As the sun rises on Catton Park, festivalgoers emerge from their tents to prepare for another day of mayhem. The morning brings…

  • Bloodstock 2026: Thursday review – Headbanging, legendary sets and dinosaurs

    Featured image: Steve Dempsey Bloodstock returned to Derby for its 25th anniversary this year, welcoming thousands of metal fans for an extended four-day celebration of the festival legacy and its place in the metal community. With a packed bill spanning a broad range of metal sub-genres, this is what Thursday had to offer. As the…

  • Truck Festival 2026: Sunday review – A fitting finale to an unforgettable weekend

    Featured image and gallery: Lucy Elson-Whittaker Sunday may signal the final day of Truck Festival 2026, but there’s still plenty to celebrate before the gates close for another year. From rising indie stars Keyside to the long-awaited return of Rizzle Kicks, festival favourites Circa Waves and headliners The Wombats, these are the performances that define…