At The Devil’s Disposal

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Beware Litterbugs, Kevin Danson is watching you….

Hands up those who just LOVE the fact that we live in a world where a rush of adrenaline and excitement of joy can be achieved by our decision to throw litter on public streets. Now, hands up those who want to smack that person silly till they are empty of ANY joy, grab the hair on the back of their head (if hairless, socket your palm to the knobbly skin at the back) and smear their faces into the recently discarded litter.

I may need anger management…

Some Christians I befriended in Rio told me that there is no such thing as a big sin or a little sin. Whether you lie to your parents by telling them you are off to the cinema, when really you are on your way to slice a rooster’s neck to complete a voodoo spell you put on your ex, or if you simply rock up to a beauty pageant and gun down the natural (plastic) beauties into lumps of melting gore, you will not receive a greater or lesser punishment in hell. You will simply, go to hell. I take on board this attitude when discussing littering (too harsh?). It does not matter whether the piece of paper you threw on the floor is a bus ticket or The Sun, it is wrong, it is a sin, say hello to Bin Laden (coowee).

As an occasional smoker I am wary of where my butt-ends go (good job I put an ‘end’ there, eh?) after my final drag. Even though no one is around, I feel as though I am in the centre of a hippodrome with my onlookers holding their breath waiting to see where I will ditch the filter. I feel it is my duty, as a ‘green smoker’, to scrunch out the ember and the final flakes of tobacco into the wind and pocket the rest. It’s more than likely I’ll find a bin before I get home – though if not, I’m certain my leg won’t combust or the centre of the earth open and swallow me whole.
Over the past few years I have witnessed some disgusting ways people choose to litter. Being a very passionate person (easily annoyed), the moment I see such a disgrace, I become ignited with fury like a freshly struck match (Hadouken!). Even this afternoon on my way back from the bank, a little girl chucked a napkin to the ground. I flared, focused yet failed to do my duty. This duty is one which all people should have but unfortunately we fear to carry it out (not saying I’m scared of a five year old girl, but her mother could have probably sat on me… big woman). If we speak up, we may well end up crippled, disfigured or dreadfully unattractive until the healing process is over. Maybe even be killed (true story). I am not one that goes out looking for abuse and so I have to content myself with trying to influence them with my psychic abilities.

More examples of witnessed littering:

* Walking down Oxford Street during lunch, a caj-shab dressed man swaggers by a group of smokers. Without a look in their direction, he extends his left arm, opens his hand and releases a half-full takeaway cup from Subway. 
Obs: this stretch of Oxford Street is ‘littered’ with bins…?

* Piccadilly Gardens 8:15 a.m. Student waiting on the curb for the bus to pull in while reading the paper. The doors open, the papers lies spread on the floor between curb and bus. 

Obs: 1) A bin can be found six paces to his left or 3 to his right. 2) Take it on the bus. 3) Welcome to Hell.

* Taking cover from the rain, I spot a short, rotund woman shuffling quickly across the street with a medium-sized cardboard box over her weaves. Lugging her heap onto the pavement, she signals for the bus. As if to punish the rain, she throws the box through the air and it lands, slightly caved, on its side next to… the bin. 
Obs: Hello Beelzebub!

There is no excuse for littering, but there are many things we can blame; laziness, selfishness, parenting, education, rebelliousness, toughness and coolness. All of these are ‘acceptable’ when the litterer is innocent, NOT acceptable by adults, parents and OAPs! 

Kevin Danson is an English Literature student at MMU who likes to share his ramblings. Read his blog Pebbleddash and follow him on Twitter @pebbleddash

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aAh! Magazine is Manchester Metropolitan University's arts and culture magazine.

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