Featured image: Fabiola Gonzalez Prato

Every single day I hear someone complaining about not being in a relationship. I go online and watch videos of people who are tired of going on dates with those who “only want a good time,” eventually deciding that staying single is for the best. These days, the reasons behind complicated relationships seem to fall into two extremes, either intense romance or extreme casualness – something perfectly encapsulated by the lead couple of Bridgerton season four.

While enchanting the audience with Benedict Bridgerton and Sophie Beckett’s Cindarella-inspired story, the season has also revealed Benedict’s lack of interest in having a serious relationship, while Sophie’s actions showcase her hopeless romantic tendencies. Even though Bridgerton is based on historical fiction, the relationship dynamics it portrays strongly reflect the present day. Today, serious relationships seem to be endangered, but why? Are they embarrassing? Or just too complicated?

There are two types of people at play here. Firstly there are the ones that have a fear of intimacy, those who cannot imagine themselves sharing their emotions with someone else, who run from a properly established relationship because they feel the need to keep an emotional and physical distance from anyone else. Then there are the hopeless romantics, people who have tried very hard to be in a relationship yet fail to find someone who wants the same thing as them or someone who reaches their expectations, those people who decided love will find them and that they need to focus on themselves. 

Benedict embodies the fear of intimacy. As much as audiences may love him, it is no secret that he has severe intimacy issues; he appears to be opposed to having an actual connection with anyone, hides his true feelings with sex and closes himself off from everyone around him.

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Benedict’s reasoning behind not wanting a relationship might be more complicated – considering social class expectations of the era – still the root of the problem is the same, he seems terrified of appearing vulnerable and being rejected. His character is someone who carries a powerful name. He has seen the challenges of navigating life with everyone having an opinion on his actions, and has lowered the priorities of his feelings to support his family. Benedict represents the people who are ready to love, yet are unable to do so.  

Intimacy is not just physical and sexual activity, it involves being vulnerable, opening up to someone on a deeper level. The idea of reduced intimacy comes from finding emotional transparency vulnerable, from seeing the ability to count on other people as weak. Extreme cautiousness when sharing information and one’s feelings has led to people closing themselves off to avoid being hurt or criticised. However, in a world with such broad availability of information, you are prone to being wounded. 

On the other side, there is Sophie, an absolute dreamer. She is a character who longs for a family, for someone to love her and for a home; she seeks magic and a fun night at the masquerade ball. Her character is deeply relatable because even if she desires to be loved, she sees Benedict as unreachable, keeping all of her expectations fed with small moments that appear to go nowhere. Sophie represents the disappointment one could have after seeing happy couples and the independent women who do not need a man, yet somehow find the best one. 

Making scenarios in your head of what your relationship will be like, how the person is going to look, what they are going to do, and perhaps how they will smell, is a behaviour that comes from the media. TV shows and movies show you perfect characters as potential partners, and then we expect to go out in the world and find someone as refined. The difference is in real life that people don’t follow a script.

While having high standards is good, it becomes a problem when meeting those expectations becomes nearly impossible. Even if it is hard to be clear-sighted when it comes to love, keeping unrealistic expectations is hurtful, and it becomes even more difficult to find a meaningful connection after being disappointed multiple times. 

It is not to say that you can just decide to stop being afraid of intimacy or being a hopeless romantic – that is a complex and sometimes an unwanted process. But once these issues are identified, you can understand why romance might not happen right away. Being closed to intimacy might be hard to overcome, but just trying to open up a bit and telling people how you feel is a start. The same goes with the hopeless romantics: some have experienced harder sides of love, so being patient and understanding can make things easier. 

Sophie and Benedict managed to get their happy ending because they understood that coming out of their comfort zone was going to reward them with magical love and a partner who supported those challenging moments. Perhaps, like good dance partners at a masquerade ball, we should all follow their lead.